The Disappearance of To Be
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1244 hrs
A trend I have lately noticed with greater frequency is the extirpation of the words "to be" from their rightful place in both written and spoken statements. Unfortunately, I don't have any specific examples to which I can link directly to illustrate what I mean, but a Google search of the phrase "need changed" returns a surprisingly large number.
I'm not sure when I first saw an example of this, but I started noticing it more frequently ever since I saw a commercial for a local heating/furnace company. In the spot, two employees are talking about air filters and knowing when they've reached the end of their life. One of them says something to the affect of, "if you hold the filter up and can't see light coming through it, it needs changed."
See what he did there? He left out "to be." He should have said, "needs to be changed."
Ever since I first saw this commercial several months ago, I have noticed it in the writing of non-professional authors, as well as during casual conversation. It seems that a lot of people are starting to drop "to be" altogether.
At first I was troubled by the seemingly senseless striking of "to be" from our parlance. After all, it has a place in our sentences for a reason. The phrase, "needs changed," doesn't work grammatically because "needs" is a transitive verb and must be followed by a who or a what. It needs an object. "Changed" doesn't answer the question of what, because "changed" is itself a verb. If it were the gerund "changing" or the plural "changes" it would act as a noun and satisfy the transitive verb. The phrase, "to be changed," is an infinitive phrase acting as a noun, so it satisfies the transitive verb's requirements.
On the other hand, how necessary is it? I mean sure, there are grammatical rules that say "to be" can't simply be stripped out of the sentence, but if the purpose of language is to communicate ideas, don't we all understand what he meant when he said "needs changed?" In fact, in every instance I've read of heard where "to be" has been left out, the message of the statement was always clear. If that's the case, how bad can it really be to drop "to be" from our parlance?
I'm not really sure what to think about all of this. On the one hand, it could just be lazy speaking and writing on the part of a minority of people, but the frequency with which I continue to notice it suggests a possible evolution of our language. Our language is always changing, and it's entirely possible that this could be a step - for better or for worse - in a new direction.
P.S.: Please excuse the horrible visual pun in this post. Also, many thanks to Emily for helping me figure out its grammatical aspects.
Friday Funday CCXL
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0604 hrs
Friday Funday brings you some fun and interesting links from my travels around the internet. Funday links will open in a new window.
Songsmith fed with Stock Charts
Melodies derived from stock charts, arranged with Microsoft's Music composition software Songsmith. Actually, for something so depressing, most of these are pretty upbeat.
38 Cute Animals, 1 Cool Screen, 8 Different Uses
Samsung knows how to advertise. Evil hedgehog is my favorite. Via Kris (who never blogs anymore).
ダンディズム
I don't know what the title says, but this video cracks me up.
Jabooody Dubs
The ones with Billy Mays are the best. Click on the videos tab to see the oeuvre.
The Colonel Trailer
Mel Gibson may have gone off the deep end, but at least he can still be funny from time to time.
Missing Comet Lulin
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1335 hrs
If you haven't heard about it, the comet Lulin has been very close to Earth for the past few days. Morah and I wanted to see it, but every morning and every evening it has been cloudy outside, and usually raining (or, was the case this morning, snowing).
The one chance I had to see Lulin was yesterday morning at 2 A.M. on my way back to bed after using the bathroom. I happened to look out at the sky and saw stars. I had hoped that the skies would stay clear for just a couple more hours, but when the alarm went off at 4:30, the sky was once again obscured.
Another outer-space event that we're missing is the clustering of Venus, Jupiter, and Mars (as well as our moon). With these heavenly bodies appearing in the morning, and Saturn hanging around at night, star gazers in areas not polluted with clouds have the chance to see 4 planets and a moon in a single day with their naked eyes (5 planets if you look down at the ground and then count ours).
Were any of you lucky enough to see either of these, or am I the only one dorky enough to even know about them?
Blank Space with PHP Include
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0647 hrs
You might think that because I sit in front of a computer all day at work writing code, the last thing I want to do in my spare time is sit in front of a computer writing code. You would be wrong (apparently I'm a huge geek).
Over the weekend, I was playing around, trying to improve my skills as a PHP developer. Early in the project, I created some pages to be included in my index page using PHP's include() function. They were pretty standard: a header, a content page, and a footer. Because I was just getting started, each included file simply contained its name (see the picture).
When I navigated to the index file, although the content pages loaded properly, there was a weird gap at the top of the page. I have recreated this weird gap for you in the picture so that you can clearly understand what I'm talking about.
At first I thought I had some extra white space in one of my files. Nope. I thought it might be white space in my index file, and although that didn't make any sense, I removed all the extra white space anyway. That wasn't it either. Was it a margin or some padding? A quick CSS reset proved that had nothing to do with it. I tried all sorts of different methods in an attempt to get the weird gap to disappear, but none availed me of my problem.
Finally I started commenting out the includes one at a time. I narrowed it down to my header file. I deleted everything out of the header file, but as long as the file was included - empty or not - it caused the weird gap. I was flummoxed. How was an empty file causing this problem?
On a whim, I decided to delete the file altogether and simply create a new one. I gave it the exact same file name, pasted in the contents of my previous header file, and uploaded it into the same directory. When I refreshed the index page, the weird gap had miraculously disappeared! But why? What had caused the gap to appear in the first place? The Internet yielded no results, so I started experimenting. It didn't take long for me to find the culprit.
The IDE I use is Dreamweaver, and the key to this mystery lies in the "Save As" screen. On that screen, you are presented with several options besides where to save the file and what to call it. One of those options is a little checkbox that I had heretofore ignored: Include Unicode Signature (BOM). BOM is short for "Byte Order Mark," which is 2 to 4 bytes at the beginning of a text file that identifies a file as Unicode, and if so, the byte order of the following bytes.
Personally, I prefer to use UTF-8 as the character encoding method for my web pages. I won't get into all of the details about why UTF-8 is so great, but if you're interested, this page does a very comprehensive job of explaining why you should consider using UTF-8. Moreover, the W3C says UTF-8 "is likely to be the best choice of encoding for most purposes."
Now back to BOM. UTF-8 documents have no byte order, so adding a UTF-8 BOM is optional (it's required for UTF-16 and UTF-32). Plus, in an HTML document, the character encoding is declared at the beginning of the document in a meta tag (you are declaring your character encoding, aren't you?).
Somehow when I saved the header.php file, I must have accidentally checked the "Include Unicode Signature" box without realizing it. Those extra (and apparently invisible) bytes at the beginning of the file were causing a line break before its contents, thereby pushing everything down. It may have taken me over an hour to solve the problem and figure out why it happened in the first place, but now that I know, if it ever happens again, the problem will be solved in mere seconds. Hopefully this post will help other people solve the same problem than I did!
Bunny, Lackadaisy, and Nanerpuss
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0633 hrs
I recently came across and started reading a webcomic called Bunny. It's a pretty random comic that sometimes makes sense and is funny, and other times doesn't make any sense at all (yet somehow still manages to be funny). Like xkcd and Wondermark, Bunny has secret messages in the alt text.
Another webcomic I enjoy and don't think I've ever written about is Lackadaisy. This is one of the most beautifully drawn webcomics I've ever seen, and on top of that, the story is wonderfully compelling. Oh, and the characters are all cats. The major downside to Lackadaisy is that, because each "page" of the comic is so lush, the story progresses very slowly.
Finally, I just wanted to say that I can't stop watching the Nanerpuss commercial for Denny's Grand Slam.
When Recipes Go Wrong
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 2102 hrs
It's funny how some extremely complex recipes can turn out absolutely perfectly, and others that seem like they couldn't be simpler flop like a dying fish.
I love food. I love eating it, I love making it, and I love learning everything I can about it. My recent foray into making a beurre blanc should be evidence of that. Being the kind of person who loves to cook, I have a lot of books about food. I have the classic Joy of Cooking (it lies a lot and makes extra work and dishes. Then again, it was aimed at housewives in the '30s and '40s), I have a lot of ethnic cookbooks, I have vegetarian cookbooks, and cookbooks for science geeks. I even have books about food and spices that don't contain any recipes at all. Mostly, though, I have cookbooks.
I also have a problem with cookbooks. No, I don't mean I have a problem where I'm addicted to buying them (actually...), I mean I have a problem with the way most of them are written. You see, for some crazy reason, the authors of cookbooks always seem to erroneously assume two things: that I can get my hands on any ingredient and that nothing will go wrong while preparing the recipe.
Spokane isn't the most gastronomically diverse city in the United States (although we do have two different Indian restaurants). This is difficult for an Epicurean such as myself, but I make do through a lot of experimentation in the kitchen. It's tricky, though, because my local supermarket is less than super when it comes to diversity. If it isn't American, Asian, or Mexican cuisine, they pretty much don't carry it. This is tough for me, because I like a lot of Indian, Middle Eastern, and Moroccan food. Finding some of the ingredients I need can be difficult (seriously, Albertson's, you don't carry any lentils?) if not impossible (what is Turkish Delight, anyway?). Places like the Rocket Market and Huckleberry's fill in some of the gaps, but I don't like shopping there because of the haughty attitudes of the staff.
Even if I can find all of the ingredients I need, the books are often ill-prepared to adequately walk me through making the dish. For example, last night I was trying to make falafels. Falafels! Easy, right? There are like, 4 ingredients in the whole dish. The instructions had me throw everything into the mixer and make a paste. The picture in the book showed a sticky, dry paste. Mine was awfully wet. Hmm. Does the book say how to handle this situation? No, of course not. In the author's mind, this recipe is too simple to screw up. And yet, although my paste did form clumps, the frying step was... Well, I ended up very frustrated and sans falafels.
This has happened to me several times in the past, and is the reason I prefer to be taught by someone else who can show me exactly what to do and how to handle unexpected problems.
If you find this sort of thing happening to you, I strongly suggest investing in Cook's Illustrated. Morah and I don't get the magazine (which is beautiful, by the way), but we do have a subscription to the website and I assure you that it's the best $25 I spend every year. Cook's tests each recipe dozens (if not hundreds) of times in search of culinary perfection. Esquire Magazine said of Cook's, "There's no more authoritative food magazine. When Cook's Illustrated endorses a cheesecake, it's because its editors made 45 of them." They also test equipment and recipes to find the best in taste, performance, and price.
I will say that, although the recipes in Cook's are designed to be (more or less) idiot-proof, it's still possible for things to go awry. For example, while making dinner tonight, I accidentally added half a tablespoon of curry powder when the recipe called for half a teaspoon. Oops. But you know what? It was still some of the best couscous I've ever had.
ALLO Cafe
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1407 hrs
My friend Michelle is in Japan right now. She says, "ate here. Thought of you."
ALLO: Safe to Visit
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1849 hrs
I don't remember how I found this, but apparently, my site is safe to visit.
I guess that's good to know. Right?
Friday Funday CCXXXIX
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0605 hrs
Friday Funday brings you some fun and interesting links from my travels around the internet. Funday links will open in a new window.
Give Up and Use Tables
From the site: "You know, we've all been there. We want to make it work with CSS. But sometimes it's just not worth the effort." Too true.
Let's Go (Web) Surfing Now!
I... It's... I can't believe someone thought this would be a good idea.
MUTO
A wall-painted animation by BLU. I wonder how long this took to make.
Switching to Digital TV
See? Like I said: easy. Via Kris.
Interior Crocodile Alligator
I drive a Chevrolet movie theatre. I have no idea either. It's from this.
A Brief Review of Online T.V. and The Problem with (and Solution to) the Commercials
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0658 hrs
Rounding out my week-long series of posts about television is a review of the each network's online television viewing applications, the common problem they share, and how to fix that problem. I admit that I've shown my hand; in case you couldn't tell from the title, the common problem in each is commercials. We'll get there, but first, a quick review of each network's online viewing experience.
All of the networks require some sort of download "for optimum viewing experience" (I installed these upgrades a while back, so there's a chance some networks no longer require them. I kind of doubt that's the case, though). It's not a big deal, and the upgrades are fairly quick to download and install.
CBS — I had planned to start with CBS because I've never watched a CBS show on their website. Why not? Because they used to require RealPlayer. Why, oh why do people still use RealPlayer? I don't think I've ever blogged about my distaste for RealPlayer and its parent company RealNetworks, and this post won't turn into a rant against them. Just know that I have despised RealPlayer and RealNetworks for a long time and refuse to install their software on any computer I use.
CBS used to require RealPlayer to view their content, but in writing this post, I checked their site to see if that was still the case, and it isn't. So good news there, but it also means I won't be able to write much of a review, having not actually used it yet.
I did verify that their player falls prey to the same problem with commercials that the others do.
NBC — Arguably the worst player is NBC's. It's clunky to use and they manage to break even a 30-minute episode into 4 chunks. But the problems begin all the way back on the homepage. If you select a show from the "Video" menu, it doesn't automatically take you to the full episodes of the show, but random little clips. You then have to click on "Full Episodes" before you can select which episode to watch.
Although they suffer from the same commercial problem that the others do, I think NBC handles commercial interaction the best. If the user does nothing during the commercial, then after 30 seconds, the show starts again. If the user clicks anywhere on the ad, the video doesn't automatically start again (handy for bathroom breaks). Remember this when you're reading about ABC.
ABC — I have always disliked that ABC's player opens in a popup window, especially because the video on the homepage keeps playing. With sound. Although I think ABC provides one of the best viewing experiences in both ease of use and viewing quality, their biggest failing is in requiring users to "click to continue" after every commercial. If Morah and I are watching in the living room (which we usually are), one of us has to get up off the couch, walk over to the computer, and click on the button.
FOX/Hulu — FOX wins points for how pretty its player is, but loses points for making it so difficult to control the show in full screen mode. Is it even possible? Sometimes I see a little controller pop up over the video, but I can never seem to make it come up when I actually want it to.
I paired Hulu up with FOX because they both use the same player. Hulu's crowning glory is its surprisingly wide selection of media. If CBS and ABC got in on that action, Hulu would quickly become more popular than the rest of the Internet.
So what about that pesky commercial problem I mentioned? No, it's not that they have commercials at all. In fact, there could probably be up to 60 seconds of commercials in each/some breaks and we'd still tune in. The big problem occurs when a viewer tries to skip forward or backward in the show.
You see, browsers (hell, computers) are imperfect devices and can freeze up, thereby interrupting my viewing experience. Sometimes it's not even the fault of the computer; sometimes I just run out of time and have to wait until later to watch the rest of an episode.
Most of the networks show a commercial before the video begins. That's fine, no problems there. But once the video is over, if I want to jump ahead in the episode, I'll be forced to watch another commercial (usually the same one) if I move into a different segment. Go forward past a commercial break? Watch an ad. Oops, you went too far. Go back to the previous segment? Watch an ad. I have had instances where I had to watch 4 or 5 ads in order to find the segment I wanted and queue it up properly. And every time another commercial plays, I get more irritated and my reservoir of goodwill goes down a little more.
In the title I promised a solution to this problem, and I have one. In fact, it's an incredibly simple solution that would be easy to implement, and one that would go a long way to improving user experience.
Whenever an ad finishes a 60 second countdown timer starts. If the user fast-forwards or rewinds past a commercial break before the timer reaches zero, then no commercial is played. However, if the user crosses a break point and counter has reached zero, then the user will be shown another ad and the timer starts again.
Addressing the issues I mentioned about each station would all contribute significantly to an improved user experience, but it's this small fix to the way commercials are shown that would, in my opinion, have the greatest and most immediate positive affect.
RSS Feeds for T.V. Shows
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0545 hrs
Continuing with my theme of posts about television, today's post has to do with T.V. show scheduling and is aimed directly at the networks themselves. With all the power the Internet has granted us, I can't understand why the networks don't publish RSS feeds of their programming. For me, this little annoyance was especially pointed during the mid-season break a couple of months ago. All of a sudden, the networks starting airing reruns of the shows we were watching instead of new episodes - if they ran the shows at all.
This is not only annoying for viewers, but is rather confusing. Is the season over? Has the show been canceled? When will new episodes be available again? If only there were some way for viewers to get regular updates about their favorite shows...
I realize that there is already a method in place for getting updates: watching T.V. will expose you show promos. But the number of viewers like me - people who watch T.V. online - is ever-increasing. We don't see the weekly prime time promos, so we don't know what episode is going to be on next week. Also, the networks can't assume that people are going to sit idly by and watch reruns; I suspect that when someone sees a rerun of their show is on, they're likely to change the channel.
Providing RSS feeds would be a simple method of distributing show schedules to even moderately savvy viewers, and there are many options for what to offer. For example: all upcoming episodes of a show, only new upcoming episodes of a show, or "the fire hose" - every upcoming episode of every show from the network. Implementing all of these different feeds would be inexpensive initially, and in the long run, the cost in time and money would be nearly non-existent. If free isn't enough to convince the network bean counters, banner ads could be sold in the feeds, thereby not just paying for the feeds themselves, but actually making money for the network.
As it stands, none of the networks currently offer RSS feeds of any kind, and TV Guide and TitanTV don't offer them either. The networks are notoriously slow at adopting new technology, so it will probably be a while before we can hope to see something like this. If anyone from the networks reads this, contact me and I'll help get you set up!
Today's DTV Switch
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0640 hrs
In what has been described as, "the most significant advancement of television technology since color TV was introduced," the U.S. Congress declared today, February 17th, 2009, to be the date on which over-the-air broadcasters must cease their analog signal in favor of DTV. In preparation for this nation-wide switchover, the federal government gave away $890 million worth of coupons so consumers could purchase digital-to-analog converter boxes.
Things started to go awry when the supply of coupons ran out well before the demand stopped. The National Telecommunications and Information Administration (NTIA) now has a waiting list of households that still haven't received coupons. To make matters worse, despite the incessant stream of PSAs alerting viewers of the upcoming switch to digital, many people didn't understand what was going to happen or if they would be affected.
To help ease the transition, and so that households across the country wouldn't suddenly be left without T.V. at all, the switchover date was pushed back to June 12th, 2009. This means that all T.V. stations will continue to broadcast their analog signal while the NTIA hurries to distribute coupons. Right? That's what it means, right? All T.V. stations are delaying their switch?
What? They're not? Hmm.
In fact, very few T.V. stations are going to be extended their analog broadcasts beyond today. Because stations have had their transition schedules in place for so long, the FCC gave stations the option to make the switch on the original date - 491 stations stated their intention to do so. After a review, it announced it would allow 368 of the 491 stations to go all-digital on February 17th. On top of that, over 190 stations have already shut off their analog signals.
Throughout this whole process, viewers have been getting the short end of the stick, and a major part of the problem has been the converter box coupon program. On the face of it, it seems like a good idea. After all, since the government is forcing viewers to buy new hardware in order to view television, they should have to pay for it, right? Well, no. Television is a privilege, not a right. You have to buy your own T.V. in order to watch the signal, so why shouldn't consumers have to buy their own converter boxes? While getting a federally-funded discount on our converter boxes was nice, I think a lot of people are unprepared for (what was supposed to be) today's transition because they haven't bought converter boxes yet. People undoubtedly have the mentality that, "the government hasn't sent me my converter box coupon yet, so I can't go buy one." Wrong, wrong, wrong. A better program would have been for the NTIA to have issued rebates; that would have helped ensure that people would have bought their converter boxes in time.
Morah and I were prepared. We bought our converter boxes in November, and just recently we bought a DTV antenna to improve our reception. Overall, however, we have been thoroughly unimpressed. Remember back in the analog days when you'd spend fifteen minutes tweaking the rabbit ears until they were just so and signal, while not perfect, was watchable? Yeah, we're pretty much back to that. Even with the special signal-boosting antenna, we still end up goofing around with the rabbit ears in a futile attempt to get a clear signal. We're constantly plagued by digital artifacting and intermittent audio, both of which are made worse by inclement weather.
From its inception, this whole process has been a ridiculous farce. The original transition plan was rather straightforward, and if viewers were too lazy to make the required preparations, they don't deserve to watch television. Changing the date has done more harm than good by confusing viewers further. If stations were required to continue broadcasting their analog signal, the extension might have helped, but since that's not the case, viewers will continue to be bemused.
Totally Lost
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0611 hrs
The new seasons of T.V. shows have me totally lost.
Because of the writer's strike, which concluded just over a year ago, nearly every T.V. show that wasn't in syndication got pushed off by a year (even if it didn't need to be). The reason the networks did this was because they didn't know how long the strike would last, and they didn't want to run out of episodes partway through the season. As a result, they simply stopped the shows and canceled the rest of the season. They even pushed off pilots for new shows.
Besides being kind of annoying, the big problem that I'm having with my shows - now that they've resumed - is that I have no idea who certain characters are, even though I know I should.
Before you read on, be aware that there might be some spoilers below.
For example, in Lost, when Ben is in L.A. he goes to a church to see an older woman. The way the scene is shot and edited, it's clear that I'm supposed to be shocked when they reveal the woman's identity. She does look vaguely familiar, but I don't know if she's from an episode in one of the previous seasons, or if I just recognize her because she's an actor and probably appeared in something else.
I've had a similar problem with 24. From the way the show is written, I guess I'm supposed to remember Colonel Dubaku, but honestly, I don't. Was he in a previous season? Was he in that weird little 2 hour long mini-episode, 24: Redemption? (The answer, by the way, is that he is from 24: Redemption. I looked it up.)
The same thing has happened with a character in Heroes. Seriously, it's pretty frustrating.
Valentine's Day 2009
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 2226 hrs
Here are some, um, alternative Valentine's Day cards you can send instead of the traditional sappy ones.
Sorry for the short post, but I was busy putting together our Valentine's Day dinner: rack of lamb with roasted green beans and Yukon Gold potatoes in a beurre blanc. To drink, we had a Rombauer 2004 Merlot (link to the 2005). For dessert, we had a (store-bought) chocolate sin cake (a flourless chocolate "cake" made with a pound of butter and a pound of Belgian chocolate) and Penfold's Grandfather Fine Old Liqueur Tawny port.
Friday Funday CCXXXVIII
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0820 hrs
Friday Funday brings you some fun and interesting links from my travels around the internet. Funday links will open in a new window.
Links in red are not safe for work.
Bacolicio.us
The original website baconator. What does Bacolicio.us do? Here's my website as seen through bacon-colored-glasses. This one is my personal favorite. This is pretty good too.
Verizon Math Fail
"Do you recognize that there's a difference between one dollar and one cent?"
"Definitely."
"Do you recognize that there's a difference between half a dollar and half a cent?"
"Definitely."
"Then, do you therefore recognize that there's a difference between point-zero-zero-two dollars and point-zero-zero-two cents?"
"No."
Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
I can't wait to get one! Probably NSFW on account of all the fucking swearing.
Christian Bale takes David to the Dentist
If you don't immediately understand what this is based on the title, just skip this link entirely.
Local Porno Buyer Jim Scott
This is supposedly a Bud Light commercial that was made for Super Bowl XLIII that didn't air, but I suspect that may not be the case. Either way, it's pretty funny.
Snarge
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0831 hrs
Since it was a bird strike that brought down US Airways Flight 1549, I wanted to talk briefly about snarge. When a bird and an airplane collide, the plane often wins (although sometimes they both lose), and the bird goo left behind on the aircraft is called snarge.
Snarge. What a perfect word. What a wonderful, rolls-off-your-tongue, conveys-its-meaning-through-sound-alone word. Snarge. It just sounds like bird goo, doesn't it?
At the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History, a team of scientists receives about 4,000 snarge samples each year. They work to identify the, uh, goo, which lets them know the types of birds most prone to ending life in liquid form inside a jet engine. This helps aviation safety engineers to know what measures to take to prevent damage to the planes and injury or loss of life to both birds and humans.
A Brief Review of Remove My Stretch Marks (.com)
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0700 hrs
Have you noticed a heck of a lot of banner ads for the website RemoveMyStretchMarks.com? I sure have, so I decided to visit the site and see what all the fuss was about.
Oh, that picture to the right? Yeah, it has nothing to do with the website in question; it's just a nice looking stomach.
The first gigantic red flag I discovered upon visiting the site was the author, Joyce Shaw, claimed to be from Spokane, WA (emphasis theirs). Really? I'm from Spokane too! That seemed kind of suspicious, so I visited the page via a proxy server, and suddenly Joyce wasn't from Spokane anymore.
Hmm. Can I really trust Joyce? Is she even the real author of the website? A WHOIS search shows that Drew Marcin from Oshawa, Ontario in Canada is the owner of the site. That doesn't mean that he's the author, but maybe we can trust him. Oh, maybe not. So wait, does the owner of andrew_x_@hotmail.com live in Canada or Puerto Rico?
That's 2 big red flags. The next one is "Joyce's" product reviews. "#1 Cosmetyn! A++++-++!!!!1!1!!! Holy bananas, did this work wonders! Buy some today! And, oh yeah, I tried this other thing called Captiva or something. Don't buy that, it sucks." Alright, alright, those aren't the actual product reviews, but a slightly embellished, paraphrased version. I would argue, however, that my version maintains the spirit of the original.
The verdict here is that I don't know what to think of all of this, but I do find it difficult to believe that Joyce Shaw, 32 year old mother of 2 from Spokane, WA has the time and technical wherewithal to put this together, and then launch an expensive marketing campaign to get her banner ads everywhere on the Internet. Even if Cosmetyn works as well as this site purports (and it may, I'm not passing any judgment on the product), there's enough dodgy stuff going on here to dissuade me from believing the site's claims.
Postscript: I will concede that andrew_x_@hotmail.com may not be that Puerto Rican kid, as on another page of his the address is listed as andrew_x_9@hotmail.com. Also, it's worth noting that Joyce Shaw has both a Gmail e-mail address and AIM account. I would be interested in the results of someone attempting to contact Joyce via AIM and seeing if she can pass the Turing test (or keep her story straight).
The Pilot of US Airways Flight 1549 Was Just Doing His Job
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1021 hrs
I want to be clear at the outset of this post that I'm glad no one died in this incident, and that the injuries sustained were mostly minor. The incident could have been much worse, and it's thanks to everyone involved - both passengers and crew - that things went as smoothly as they did.
That having been said, I don't understand why the crew of US Airways Flight 1549, and Captain Sullenberger in particular, are getting what I feel are undue heaps of praise. I'm not saying their actions aren't worthy of recognition, but let's be honest, they were doing their jobs. Granted, they were doing them under fairly extreme conditions, but part of the training to work on a commercial airliner (especially since 2001) is disaster preparedness.
The Guild of Air Pilots and Air Navigators, which awarded the crew its Master's Medal, even acknowledged this, calling their actions, "text book." However, the guild went on to to say, "to have safely executed this emergency ditching and evacuation, with the loss of no lives, is a heroic and unique aviation achievement." A unique aviation achievement? While I have no links to back me up, I'm sure that history is littered with emergency landings where no lives were lost.
Yes, our country has had a tumultuous relationship with the aviation disasters in the recent past. Yes, this situation could have been much worse if not for the actions of the crew. However, there are millions of people who work under extreme conditions every day, many of whom are responsible for the lives of others, and none of whom receive such grandiose accolades for their work.
Supermarket vs. Farmers' Market: A Clear Winner
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1124 hrs
One of the resolutions I made for 2009 was to eat right, and I feel that part of doing that is eating food that isn't full of things like preservatives and HFCS. By going to the farmer's market a few times last year, Morah and I have discovered the mouth-watering goodness of fresh produce. I can't tell you how much more flavor something as simple as lettuce has when it's only hours from the farm instead of days or weeks. Unfortunately, the farmer's market that we went to ended in October and doesn't start up again until May. Until then, we're stuck with produce from the super market. (I'll admit that this isn't entirely true, as there's a winter farmer's market and a grocery store on the South Hill that specializes in farm-fresh produce. But for the sake of this post, please pretend that those don't exist.)
The problem with buying produce from the supermarket is that almost all of it sucks. The leafy greens are often wilty, and the root vegetables are often dry. Things are either over or under ripe. Mold is not an uncommon sight. Even if you do buy something that looks good in the store, it often goes bad within a few days. Why are conditions in supermarkets so bad, and what can be done about it?
There are a number of basic problems that affect the poor quality of supermarket produce, and it all starts with popular demand. It's common for supermarkets in the United States (and the United Kindgom) to stock the same produce year-round, even when that produce is out of season (this is abnormal in other countries, such as Spain). In order to stock all of those out of season fruits and vegetables, they have to be shipped in from other states, or even other countries. Just think about how long it takes for the food to get from where it was grown to your plate. How fresh can food grown in South America really be by the time it gets to your supermarket? Don't forget that it's not a straight shot, either; there are inspections, customs, and distribution warehouses through which it all has to pass first. Also think about how bad for the planet this whole system is. We're shipping food all over the place that could be (and probably is) grown on local farms.
But at least you're eating healthily, right? Well, maybe not. Fresh produce is full of healthy nutrients, but the longer it sits around waiting to be eaten, the less nutritious it actually is.
I heard a story one time (a couple of quick searches could not corroborate it, so I don't know how true it is) that some apples are stored in huge vaults for months at a time, their environments carefully controlled so they don't spoil. I know bagged lettuce has a gas in it that slows decay (this is called modified atmosphere packaging. Is it any wonder that these things go bad within days of opening them?). How old is our food by the time we buy it? How many nutrients are lost before we buy them?
Another problem is that all of our produce has to look good. There is actually a process for getting rid of produce that, although it's perfectly edible, is visually unappealing. Food distributors have guidelines for the size, shape, and color of the fruits and vegetables they'll sell, and anything that doesn't fit those guidelines gets rejected and sent back to the farmer. The upside to this is that your food looks nice, but the downside is that it usually doesn't taste very interesting.
Strawberries are a good example of this. Although there are many varieties of strawberry, the most common supermarket variety is "elsanta." These were bred for, among other things, their bounciness. Seriously. I wish I were kidding. There's apparently a test for bounciness that invloves a 5 foot fall onto a kettle drum. How do these long-shelf-life strawberries taste? Not awful, but nowhere near as good as other, more fragile varieties of the fruit.
Did you know that carrots come in a multitude of colors besides orange? Have you ever eaten a purple potato? Did you know there are hundreds - if not thousands - of varieties of apple? There is an entire world of food that you're not eating if you buy your produce from the supermarket.
Although there has been an increased interest in organic produce, from what I've seen, much of it leaves a lot to be desired for the exact same reasons. So how can we change what supermarkets offer?
You can talk to your store manager. Each individual store is usually allowed to carry (more or less) whatever it wants, and there is a much wider variety of food available to supermarkets than they actually provide (this is true for everything they carry, not just produce). In truth, this method probably won't change much, and local produce may not be available to your store.
The next step is to buy only what's in season. In most cases, this will ensure that you're eating the freshest foods. For example, Morah and I love asparagus, and when it's in season, our supermarket carries Washington-grown. Out of season, however, the asparagus usually comes from California, and just doesn't taste as good. If enough people adhere to this, it will show your supermarket that produce is most popular when it's in season, which may help to shift the balance.
Are these suggestions flights of fancy? Yes and no. One or two people changing their shopping habits won't affect the supermarket much, but if enough people do it, things will change.
The best advice, however, is to forget about the supermarkets altogether. Find your local farms and famers' markets, and then support those as much as possible. Not only will you giving back to your community, you'll be eating some of the freshest, healthiest, best-tasting food you've ever had.
Inbox Zero
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0703 hrs
Ladies and gentlemen, today marks a momentous occasion: I have achieved Inbox Zero.
It all started several months ago. I had heard about the Inbox Zero concept, and even listened to Merlin Mann's presentation to Google about it, but I had done nothing to reach that goal of having an uncluttered inbox.
Nothing, that is, until my inbox reached 1,002 messages.
Ever since I found out about Inbox Zero, I had been examining how I use my mailboxes. I realized that I do use the inbox as a sort of "action item" area, and having Gmail, there was no reason for me not to be archiving messages that I wanted to save in order to get them out of my inbox.
The Inbox Zero philosophy says to take one of 5 actions with incoming e-mail (these are explained in greater detail in Merlin's talk at Google):
- Delete or Archive it
- Delegate it (and followup)
- Respond (quickly)
- Defer (put it aside for later)
- Go do it!
With these rules in mind, I managed to prevent my inbox from growing any further past the one-thousand mark. I started searching my inbox for recurring e-mails from companies such as my bank, my credit card, Waste Management, and so on. I deleted or archived all of those old e-mails, and then set up filters to deal with new e-mails from those companies so that I never have to see them if I don't want to (they're automatically marked as read and archived).
That alone reduced my inbox by almost a third! I then took on the time-consuming task of going through all of my e-mails, deciding what to archive and what to delete. I started with my oldest e-mails and worked forward in time, deleting most things, and archiving the rest.
Every once in a while I found an e-mail that I had saved because I wanted to add someone's e-mail address to my contacts, or it had a link to a website I wanted to visit, or something similar. I labeled these messages as "Action Required" and left them in my inbox so I could deal with them once I was done.
Whittling my inbox down to just the new and "Action Required" messages didn't happen in one day, or even one week. The process took about three weeks altogether. Although I didn't work on it every day of those three weeks, on most days, I would try to make it through at least 20 to 50 e-mails. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
Actually achieving Inbox Zero was a bit tricky, since I get a lot of new e-mails all the time, some of which have actions that I need to defer. In fact, if it weren't for the e-mails that I've had to defer, I probably would have made it to Inbox Zero a month or two ago.
Today, however, is the day that I achieved this notable goal. Best of all, this contributes very strongly toward my New Year's resolution to get caught up and stay caught up. Now that my inbox is in good shape, perhaps I can focus my attention on my Google Reader.
I Helped Banksy Get Ripped Off
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1034 hrs
When Morah and I visited her dad in L.A. this past summer, we bought this really cool rat painting, which we were told was painted by "a well-known local artist named G.M. Bis."
Recently, Phoenix came over to our house, pointed at the painting and said, "That's a Banksy!" Sure enough, here's the original from Banksy's website:
I decided to try to find more information about G.M. Bis, but the Internet yielded no clues. For such a "well-known" artist, why isn't there any information available about him/her online? In fact, the only mentions I could find of G.M. Bis are on the website of the store from which I purchased the painting (along with a few other Banksy ripoffs). It's all very suspicious, to say the least, and I'm starting to suspect that G.M. Bis may actually be the owner of the store (or a friend of relative of the owner). That's pure speculation, of course, but like I said, it's pretty suspicious.
I love Banksy's work, so it's no wonder I was attracted to the piece, but I had I known at the time that it's a ripoff, I wouldn't have bought it (in fact, I probably would have called out the owner right there in the store).
Friday Funday CCXXXVII
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0638 hrs
Friday Funday brings you some fun and interesting links from my travels around the internet. Funday links will open in a new window.
Old Jews Telling Jokes
Old Jews love to tell stories, but often, they'd rather tell jokes. Some of these are pretty funny.
La Choy Dragon
This commercial is funny in and of itself, but funnier because La Choy actually thought it was a good idea. It makes me wonder if it actually moved more La Choy products or not.
Mandelbrot Set Music Video
Jonathan Coulton is the man, and these geeks are pretty damn awesome too. This is a very cool and creative video.
Sexy People
Yes, the title of the site is ironic.
Mighty Putty Re-Dub
This is pure genius.
Quantity vs. Quality
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0833 hrs
I have been successful in writing a new post every day since early last month, which is nice in terms of quantity, but have the quality of the posts taken a hit a result?
Obviously, it's hard for me to judge the quality of my own work. After all, I wrote it and doing so makes me close to it. I could turn to my Google Analytics, but what criteria do I use to judge? If I compare January 2009 to December 2008, I have increases in visits and pageviews, but if I compare January 2009 to January 2008, those same metrics have gone down (although by a smaller margin).
Word count isn't an indicator. As we all know, the people who talk the most often say the least, and the most poignant axioms tend to be light on words.
The number of comments could almost be an indicator, but not every post is designed to foster conversation.
So before this post suffers from its own topic, I want to put the question to you, my readers. Have you been enjoying my posts lately? I haven't felt desperate for topics, and I have managed to write about a number of topics that I've had on my mind, but I know from past experience the day will come when I just don't have anything to say.
Have you liked the topics? Have you liked the pictures? Do you want fewer posts that are longer, or more posts that are shorter?
Quantity pic source.
Quality pic source.
Top Keywords Used in Google to Find My Website
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 1515 hrs
Back in September of 2007, I wrote about the bizarre keywords people entered in Google and ended up finding my site. A few days ago, I was poking through my Analytics and found more funny keywords, so here's another post about them. Multiple search queries are separated by commas.
thomas brown leads a life less ordinary - There were 75 visits using this query, and the average time on site was roughly 10 minutes. I guess I'm starting to get popular!
thomas j brown spokane - That's quite specific. I wonder who was looking for me...
converter box - This was the second most popular search term. I guess people will get their information from anywhere, huh?
shamwow, are shamwows for real, does the sham wow work?, is shamwow real - I guess a lot of people wondered the same thing I did.
shamwow t shirt - Actually, if you made a T-shirt out of the ShamWow! material, that would be a pretty good idea.
"recon 2023" "prime conspiracy" - Huh? I don't even know what this is, let alone how people got to my site by searching for it.
convertitore thomas - I don't know what a convertitore is, but now I kind of want business cards with that on it.
dr. thomas j brown - "Dr. Thomas J. Brown, Convertitore."
thomas j. brown fbi - "Dr. Thomas J. Brown, Convertitore, F.B.I." Too much?
secular sneeze - I think you just say "you" afterward.
starbucks what substitutes for melon syrup - Probably just Karo Syrup.
what does it mean to have morals - Well, if you have to ask...
crisco for anal lube - Seriously, people, just go buy anal lube. Crisco can't be healthy for you.
ive been eating mcdonalds a lot lately - Good for you?
girl wearing a ninja mask - Actually, that could be kinda hot.
manufacture fiberglass lion drinking fountain - A HA! I'm not the only one.
"crowd upskirt", "the it crowd" jen carpet, it crowd jen upskirt - That's twice now.
cat cam - One day, Kisa, one day...
monkey - What? That's it? Just monkey?
There were some very unexpected ones, too:
dirty crossword - The phrase itself isn't what surprised me, but the fact that 8 people searched for it.
dancing nakedwomen, naked dancing women - What pages on my site did they find?
ordinary + nude + women, ordinary naked women - I really didn't think I posted about nude women all that much.
see women strip, stateline strip club, teen porno faic gallery - Hmm. Maybe I do post about nude women a lot.
how much cost dream love chair - What the?
lives less ordinary sex change - Seriously, this is how people find my blog?
brown on the back of my teeth what's going on - You should see the look on my face right now. I don't even know what to say.
Finally, what was the most popular search term last month? Hands down, people were interested in Shane. 64 people, to be exact. Here is every single Shane-related query made that lead to my site during January of 2009:
does shane die, does shane die at the end, did shane die at the end, is shane dead, "does shane die", shane dead, shane dies, did shane die at the end of the movie, did shane die at the end of the movie?, does shane die at the end of the movie, does shane die at the end?, does shane die?, was shane dead?, d.o.a film does he die at end?, did shane die at the end of the moviie and/or book?, did shane die at the end?, does shane die at end of movie, does shane die at the end of shane?, does shane die in the end, does shane really die at the end, he rides into the sunset slumped over his horse dead, homo eroticism shane, im sure alan ladd died at end of shane, is shane dead at the end of the movie, is shane dead at the end?, is the movie shane the same as the book?, shane + "does shane die", shane 1952 movie, shane and movie ending and dead, shane dies 4, shane dies in the end, shane does die, shane is shane dead, shane movie dies, was shane dead, was shane shot at the end of the movie?, what was the gun used in the movie shane
Super Bowl XLIII Ads
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0947 hrs
Yesterday, my coworker Shawn posted his thoughts about this year's Super Bowl ads. Considering the ads are half the reason I watch the Super Bowl (the other half being so we can throw a sweet party), I wanted to add my two cents.
I was kind of surprised by the number of movie previews. Year One looks like it could be funny, and I have high hopes for Star Trek. I wasn't a fan of the first Transformers movie, so I don't plan to watch the second. And do we really need another Witch Mountain movie?
I'm also getting tired of seeing the same ads from the same companies each year. The GoDaddy.com ads aren't sexy or even entertaining, and the "unrated" versions are worse than T.V. spots. I've never liked the E*TRADE Talking Baby, so perhaps that why I'm sick of seeing these ads. Finally, is there anything more tired than the Budweiser Clydesdales?
Now I'd like to present the ads I liked most and least. I'll start with the 5 I liked the least.
The 5 Worst Super Bowl XLIII Ads
In order from worst to... Well, not as bad.
- SoBe: Lizard Lake - I've never liked these stupid lizards, and this spot just took it way too far. Plus, with all those characters from other ads, this one was all over the place.
- Vizio: Take A Look - Wait, they spent over $3,000,000 on that?
- GE: Scarecrow - What?
- H&R Block: Death and Taxes - A clever idea that completely failed. Also, seeing a 7-foot-tall Death character just reminds me that Mort isn't being made into a motion picture.
- Doritos: Power of the Crunch - This started out O.K., but when the guy gets hit by the bus... Well, that's when it stopped making sense. Besides, we already have one cheese that goes crunch.
Dis-Honorable Mentions, in no particular order:
- Overstock.com: Bling and Boozer - This spot just didn't make any sense. At all.
- Taco Bell: Overrated - So close, and yet so far away. It starts off kind of cute with the guy calling her right away and asking her out to dinner, but after that, it stops being good.
Before I get to my top 5, here are the Honorable Mentions, in no particular order:
- Doritos: Crystal Ball - Interestingly, this amateur-made commercial took top-prize in USA Today's annual Ad Meter, making it the most popular ad this year. This has caused a bit of controversy, however.
- Cars.com: David Abernathy - As Phoenix pointed out, this reminds me of The Royal Tenenbaums.
- Pepsi Max: I'm Good - It's just kind of funny watching these guys get beat up.
- Bridgestone: Taters - At first, I thought his ears had blown off, but the mouth was funny, and the eyes were a nice touch.
- Coke Zero: Mean Troy - Perhaps this was funnier to me because we had just been talking about the old Coke vs. Coke Zero commercials earlier in the day.
- Bud Light: Swedish - Another one that might have been funnier to my group than most other people due to my posting of Japander in Friday Funday CCXXXV.
- Monster: Need a new job? - Heh, moose butt.
- Pepsi: Pepsuber - Kind of funny, even though I had never seen MacGruber before, but mostly because Richard Dean Anderson was in the spot.
- Bud Light: Drinkability - This just had a clever idea in general, and the guy rolling down the hill and smashing into the tables was funny. The last shot was kind of stupid, though.
- Toyota: Killer Heat - Toyota's Tundra ads have been consistently interesting, if not downright impressive. This one was pretty cool, and I enjoy the sheer excessiveness of it.
And finally, The 5 Best Super Bowl XLIII Ads
In order from good to best.
- Bridgestone: Hot Item - This spot really did it for me. The music is fun, the concept is funny, the execution is excellent.
- Teleflora: Talking Flowers - Well written, well acted, good zinger at the end.
- Cash4Gold.com: Heeere's Money - (2 washed up celebrities + 1 dodgy product) * self-deprecating humor all around = 30 seconds of win.
- Hulu: Alec in Huluwood - Alec Baldwin is hilarious, and it's nice to see Hollywood finally admit their evil plan.
- CareerBuilder.com: Tips - This spot had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. It starts off kind of funny, gets funnier, gets weird, gets even funnier, gets weirder and funnier, and by that point, you're only halfway through the spot. I can't decide which part I like the best, but I do know that this was my absolute favorite spot of Super Bowl XLIII.
ELE Warning Screen from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog DVD
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0615 hrs
Phoenix brought over the excellent DVD for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. The disc has the typical FBI warning at the beginning, but a few seconds into the warning, the image starts getting fuzzy. Then the image below pops up. You can't pause the video at that point, so we had to take a picture of it, which I present to you here.
UPDATE: Phoenix kindly sent me a better version of the ELE warning, as well as the FBI warning so you can compare the two. Thanks Phoenix!
Secular Sunday XIX - Charles Darwin Did Not Create the Theory of Evolution
Posted by Thomas J. Brown at 0826 hrs
As someone who cares about science, and in particular, as someone who cares about facts and getting things right, there are two main facets of "popular knowledge" regarding the theory of evolution that drive me crazy.
The first is when dissenters call evolution "just a theory." This shows a stark misunderstanding of how science works. Theories aren't just ideas with no evidence behind them - even a hypothesis has some basis in observed evidence. A theory is an idea that has been repeatedly tested and has held up to that rigorous scrutiny. In science, theories are as strong as they come. Even the so-called "laws" of physics are technically theories.
The other thing that bugs me, and the topic of today's Secular Sunday post, is when people say "Darwin's Theory of Evolution." People too often mis-attribute the formation of the theory to Charles Darwin, and it's something that we should set straight. I want to be clear: it's not just Creationists who make this mistake - I hear a lot of atheists say it too.
Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species in 1859, but evolutionary ideas such as common descent and the transmutation of species have existed since at least the 6th century B.C.! By the mid-19th century (and before the publication of Species), evolution was generally accepted as fact, although without a method of explaining how it happened. After Species was published, scientists were given a much greater understanding of how natural selection affects evolution.
It wasn't until the 1930s that modern evolutionary synthesis was formed by combining Darwinian natural selection with Mendelian inheritance. Scientists finally made the connection between the units of evolution (genes) and the mechanism (natural selection).
The idea of natural selection - a term that he coined in On the Origin of Species - was Darwin's major contribution toward evolutionary biology. The notion of evolution existed well before Darwin was born, and modern evolutionary biology was formulated roughly 50 years after his death. It's understandable to want to give Darwin credit for his discovery, but let's make sure we do just that: give Darwin credit for his contribution to the theory of evolution, and not credit him with the theory altogether.
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