Midnight In A Perfect World

closePlease note: This post was published over a year ago, so please be aware that its content may not be quite so accurate anymore. Also, the format of the site has changed since it was published, so please excuse any formatting issues.

Today was bad. Today has been the worst day of my entire Christmas break. The worst part is, I don’t know why. My throat doesn’t feel so bad, I even managed to eat a piece of the lasagna my mom and I made. My neck hurts a lot less than it has been in previous days. But for some reason, I’m about to cry. I’m right on the edge of tears and I don’t have the slightest clue why and it’s driving me insane. Something is wrong inside of me and I can’t figure out what I need to make it right. I don’t know if I feel empty without Morah here or if I just miss Hawaii again. Okay, now I’m crying. Or maybe it’s both. Last night was terrible, also. I had this nightmare about something, I don’t remember what. All I remember is waking up and being terrified of having the covers on me and crying because I was so scared. Then I had this dream about meeting the perfect girl. She was shorter than me and skinny with short black hair. Her style was sort of punk/goth. And her face, oh…her face. I can’t describe what she looked like. Suffice to say that I can only describe her looks by trying to explain the way looking at her made me feel. I was happy. I was complete. I needed nothing else out of life as long as I had her. When you looked at her, you couldn’t help but smile. You couldn’t help but beam, but glow, but feel like every part of you was shining. When you looked at her, every particle of your being shuddered because you had lived your entire life up to that point without ever meeting her. You knew that, no matter what, nothing would ever be the same. You know that person you make eye contact with on the bus or the subway for just a split-second and you want to talk to them, but you don’t? Then you think about it later and you wish you had? She was more than that. She was the kind of person who made you feel like, if you didn’t go ask her name, or her number, or ask her out on a date, even if she had said no, you’d regret it every moment of your life from then on. She was perfect. And the best part of the dream was that she liked me too. And we were amazed to have found one another because she felt about me how I felt about her. You know that special someone you hear everyone talking about? This chick was my special someone. Then I woke up, and the dream was gone, and so was she. And I’ll never see her again.

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