Photo Essay: Phonecam Pics

closePlease note: This post was published over a year ago, so please be aware that its content may not be quite so accurate anymore. Also, the format of the site has changed since it was published, so please excuse any formatting issues.

When I got my new phone just over a year ago, I knew I wanted one that had a camera in it. I did a bit of research (mostly involving what phones I could get for free or cheap through T-Mobile), and chose the Samsung t629 (mostly for its 1.3 mega pixel camera and the fact that it won’t call my ex-girlfriend while in my pocket. True story).

I started snapping pictures right away, and whenever I saw something funny, interesting, or that I wanted to remember later, I would whip out my phone and take a picture. Now that I’ve been using the camera for a year, I have collected quite a few pictures of things that I found funny, puzzling, or just plain stupid. For example, here’s what FireFox was before it was a popular web browser, here’s a girl with extremely furry boots, and here’s a rather phallic picture hanging up in the men’s bathroom at work.

There are, of course, many more laugh-worthy things to be seen. So here they all are, for your enjoyment.

The grocery store is a gold mine of weird and stupid crap. I was out shopping with Morah recently and saw this banana slicer. Really? Has society gotten so lazy that we need a special tool just to slice bananas? And when you really think about it, the act of cleaning this thing would take longer than slicing a banana with a knife and cleaning the knife. The banana slicer was down the cereal isle, where I found this gem: Disney’s Princess Fairytale Flakes cereal. Aren’t these just Frosted Flakes in a different box? Yes, they are. For those of us trying not to get diabetes, here’s some Bumble Bee fish oil. Yes, the same Bumble Bee that makes tuna. I guess that makes sense, since they already have all those fish, but, “Yum, yum, Bumble Bee, Bumble Bee Fish Oil!” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. The check stand often has the stupidest stuff, but we all know about tabloids, so I didn’t think I needed to take any pictures of the headlines that made me laugh. One thing I found at the check stand that made me laugh and that I did take a picture of, was a sticker on a package of beef jerky that was advertising their, “Messin’ With Sasquatch” game, which seems like a bad idea to me.

Worse than the grocery store is the dollar store. Although you can find some fantastic deals, you have to sift through piles of garbage to get to it. First, the unsettling: a package of young girl’s panties, labeled as, “slightly imperfect,” which have clearly been opened and returned. What about all of the empty hangers where the pregnancy tests used to be? Those three boxes in the photo were the only ones left. Next, the slightly odd: Here are a couple of bookmarks in the shape of flowers. Here’s one that’s shaped like a star, and one shaped like a cat. This one is shaped like… Um… A cactus? A sawfish? A melting clock? This Noah’s Ark play set seems to missing something integral to the Noah story: animals! There are only 1 bird and 1 pig, but there’s a pumpkin, a sack of grain, several carrots (or bread, it’s hard to tell), and a heap of corn. Also, the way they’re packaged, Noah’s son looks like he’s trying to cup his father’s testicles. Finally, the truly bizarre: A sheep that looks like Marie Curie‘s unfortunate pet. I don’t know if it glows in the dark or not, but it glows in the light, and that’s pretty unique.

My favorite dollar store find is so bizarre and so unique, that I have to tell you the whole story surrounding it. I was browsing through the multitude of candles and candle holders, when I spotted an ugly ceramic television. At first I thought you were supposed to put a tea light into it and the screen would glow (which made me want it), but upon further inspection, it was clear that this was simply an ugly ceramic T.V. set. The sheer fact that it served absolutely no function whatsoever (its ugliness prevented it from being decorative) made me want it even more. Then I noticed a second one, but this one was different. It looked exactly the same, except that the top clearly came off. It was supposed to be a little storage device of some sort, but the one in my hand was made incorrectly! Here’s a picture of the two side-by-side (the color in the photo doesn’t do the real thing justice — it’s far uglier in real life). Then I noticed a second style of T.V. container, and although this one was also made incorrectly, it was much more tasteful in design. In the end, I bought both of the mistakes and have them proudly on display in my apartment.

It isn’t just the dollar store and grocery store that have weird crap. This terrifying clown is meant to delight children. Note that the clown on the right is staring directly at the camera. Other odd children’s toys include this Robin action figure, where one of the major selling points is that he’s, “Super-Deformed!” Here’s a plush dinosaur that has ears. Seriously. Ears. Remind me again, which dinosaur had ears? Speaking of incorrectly teaching our children, here’s a globe that was made in Africa, which lists the entirety of North America as being the U.S.A. It’s kind of a shame, because except for that little mistake, it was a pretty cool globe.

There are a lot of misconceptions that the United States is entirely populated by rednecks, and things such as this chocolate bass and these Trailer Park toys aren’t helping. Note that the Trailer Park toys are, “from the creator of the Homies.” In case that’s not proof enough that our country needs help, I just want to point out that this book exists.

You never know what you’ll see while you’re out and about, and homemade signs are often fodder for laughs. Perfect examples are illustrated by the lackadaisical attitude of this out of order sign (despite its location), this sign that strictly forbids trespassing after hours (which leads me to the conclusion that trespassing during business hours is perfectly acceptable), another strict sign that accepts nothing, and my personal favorite, this rather useless lost pigeon sign.

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  1. Friday Funday CLXXXV

    Complaints to the FCC

    Interactive Art Director

    Half life: Full Life Consequences

    Learning America Smarter: Northern European Geography 101

    Opening the Windows Vista box

  2. “Yum, yum, Bumble Bee, Bumble Bee Fish Oil!”

    Damn. It. Now that song is stuck in my head!

    First, the unsettling: a package of young girl’s panties,

    Fifty dollars!

    labeled as, “slightly imperfect,”

    Forty five dollars.

    which have clearly been opened and returned.

    Fifty dollars! Giggity!

    What about all of the empty hangers where the pregnancy tests used to be?

    I thought you meant, like, wire coat hangers at first, which was a much more disturbing image.

    This one is shaped like… Um… A cactus?

    It’s clearly a jackalope.

    one of the major selling points is that he’s, “Super-Deformed!”

    “Super-deformed,” as I’m sure you know, is a style of anime/manga (i.e., big head, tiny body).

    Here’s a plush dinosaur that has ears.

    That’s a Chinese myth-dragon! (Don’t do drugs, kids)

    I just want to point out that this book exists.[…]

    Everything from this point and onward is completely awesome. ^_^

  3. “Super-deformed,” as I’m sure you know, is a style of anime/manga

    Yeah, but it’s still weird. I mean, Robin? Really?

  4. Ah, but it’s the Teen Titans version of Robin. Animated by an American company (Warner), they tried valiantly to capture the spirit of Anime. Hence, things like this (where they point out that Robin is SUPER DEFORMED! A term that means almost nothing to the American audience, and that wouldn’t have to be mentioned at all to a Japanese audience).

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