Archive for September, 2001

“There’s a little gold ring you wear on your hand makes me understand”

Many interesting things have happened since I wrote that blog. My friend and I have since talked about things and we are on good terms again. I came down with tonsillitis and have begun taking Augmentin and Vioxx, so that’s fun. I am an orientation leader for freshmen here at Eastern Washington University, but none of my freshmen really seem to be interested in what I have to say unless it deals with drinking and parties.

The biggest most interesting and exciting bit of news, however, is that I have made a very good new friend. Her name is Morah. I met Morah last year through my friend (and now roommate) Kris. They were in honors together. From the fist time I met her, I had a crush on her. She’s totally hot, she’s really smart, and she’s funny. Now that I’ve been hanging out with her, I’ve found that she’s also a blast to hang out with, a really interesting person to talk to, and most importantly, she and I connect on this level that I can’t explain. We both understand each other and we like the same things and… I don’t know. I could go on for quite a while. Suffice to say that after a few days of hanging out, we’ve grown quite close. And she’s thrilled to be hanging out with me, so says her. We both think very highly of one another. It’s quite a great friendship. And it could be so much more, if she weren’t engaged.

Today’s forecast: Sunny skies, partly cloudy with the chance of showers.

Offline Blog From 19 Sept 2001

I realized two very important things last night. First, I’m afraid of children. My greatest fear is being a bad parent. I was at someone’s house and one of their friends came over who has a 3-year old son. While the kid was really cute, I found that I was nervous. I didn’t know how to interact with him. One of the guys who lives in the house was totally natural with the kid. He could play with the kid on his level and talk to us and hang out with us on our level all at the same time. And the kid loved him. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be a good parent and that scares the shit out of me.

The other thing I realized is that I have no clue where I stand with my cuddle-buddy. I thought she held me in fairly high regard. After all, we hang out all the time, she always wants me to go get food with her from Baldy’s (the university’s main cafeteria), she usually comes to me when she’s bored. Not to mention the other night! I thought we were growing closer and forming a stronger relationship. Apparently I was mistaken. No wait, sod mistaken, I was flat out wrong. All I wanted to do was have dinner with her and spend some time with her. Anything and nothing could have happened, it didn’t matter to me so long as whatever happened I got to do it with her. So she calls up a friend from her summer camp (where she was a counselor) and we make plans to have dinner with her friend. Which wasn’t a problem. Granted, it wasn’t what I had originally wanted, but as I said earlier, so long as I was with her. We got pizza and ate it at the friend’s house (which is when I met the little kid in the above paragraph). This was around 6 or 7pm. I finally left the girl’s apartment at 11pm. Alone. I spent the whole evening feeling like an ass. There were four people there besides myself, and my cuddle-buddy was the only one I knew. Here’s the real kick in the ass, though: the person who was making me feel least welcome and comfortable was my cuddle-buddy. So I sat there while four people held two conversations about events and people I knew nothing about. I sat there while four people drank beer and had a good time. I sat there all fucking night while my cuddle-buddy ignored me. Eventually I just lied and said I was tired and that I should go. No attempt was made to convince me to stay. My cuddle-buddy only smiled at me (which was pretty much the first time she really looked at me all night). So when you read this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a fifth wheel that night, I’m sorry I was the only one who wasn’t drinking, I’m sorry if you felt like I was holding you back. I’m sorry that I can’t be normal like everyone else, and most of all, I’m sorry that I can’t not be jealous. If I have to hear one more story about you and Josh and how good he was, or you and anyone and how good he was or how much you want his body, I’m going to kill myself. I know I can’t compete. I feel like the bottom rung of a ladder. The one that gets stepped on the most and sometimes ignored altogether. The trouble is, we’re far too different. I can’t handle certain truths about you and your life. I can’t adjust to my new surroundings, even after two years of having to do so. I’m sorry about still loving Her.

Speaking of Her, she was playing a large role in my life last night. There were these two fish tanks in the house with a number of different fish in them. One of the tanks had a miniature shark (I can’t remember what they’re actually called). She used to have one. I just sat there all night and watched it swim around and chase the other fish and remembered days back home sitting in Her room watching Her shark do the same thing. I remember helping Her clean the tank (which was quite a chore). I remember a lot of good things about Her. She’s seeing some new guy now. I don’t know how I feel about that. I guess it doesn’t affect me too much because I don’t know him.

Life is evil sod.

Today’s forecast: Rain. Clouds and Rain. Freezing temperatures. No sun, period.

Friends With Benefits

It’s been three days since I last blogged. The reason being that I’ve been at school. I decided that I was having so much fun hanging out with my friends when I helped my roommate move in, that I should just not go back home. And how glad I am that I didn’t stay at home last night (as my mum had thought I was going to). My cuddle-buddy and I watched Cinema Paradiso (and I cried, again) then proceeded to have all sorts of fun. And I mean fun. Lots of fun. She really is beautiful. She’s sitting here right now, but I don’t think she knows I’m writing this. I’m sure I’ll hear about it later (we love you!). -) The past couple of days here at school have been great. I’ve been seeing all sorts of people that I haven’t seen all summer as well as meeting many others. I love being at school. Isn’t that sad? I actually enjoy being here. Ah well. I have been missing my computer, however. I’m using my roommate’s Mac laptop (*gag* *cough*). I hope to have my computer set up sometime today. I’ve got the stereo (and sub) all hooked up and we’re cranking ska-raggae-hip-hop. It’s all good.

Today’s forecast: Clear, sunny skies; seasonably warm temperatures.

Trying To Get Pussy

Wow. So much stuff has happened since yesterday that I’m not sure where to begin. Let’s see… I woke up yesterday feeling very alone. I plodded around the house trying to find something to do, but nothing engaging popped up. I saw Her online for the first time in about a week and felt compelled to talk to her, but I decided not to. I was afraid I might say something to scare Her away. So I continued feeling crappy. I felt a little better when my mum came home from work (and being a mother was instantly able to tell that something was wrong. I hate that sometimes). I watched Iron Chef (which always puts me in a better mood) and then started trying to find things to do online. In doing so I made a new friend. She used to be a reg on the Bolt web design board. Anyway, while I was sitting there doing whatever I was doing, She contacted me. Via AIM. My heart skipped a beat. I didn’t know what to do. I immediately started to sweat and get nervous. But things went well. In fact, she told me that she had been feeling empty and alone all day (just like me!) and had been wanting to contact me all day (surreal, isn’t it?). Yesterday was her first day at school (she’s in college now) and she was feeling very homesick. I tried to talk to her and help her feel better, but I’m not sure I helped much. After that I had to go to work. It was nice to talk to Her again. At least I know she still thinks about me from time to time.

On my way to work I ran into a whole new adventure. Kris (my partner in crime) came with me to keep me company (and because he had nothing to do since his g/f was going to be gone all night). We were just leaving his house when I saw a kitten trying to cross the street. This was around 21:20, so it was dark out. Cars kept driving along really fast and seeing the kitten =JUST= in time. Man, I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. I quickly moved into a position near the kitten and called it over (while moving in low and slow). The kitten came running over to me and I picked it up. When I did, some girls across the street started cheering. I asked if they knew where the kitten belonged.


“Well, do you want to take care of it for now? I can’t take it to work with me.”

They agreed to take care of it, so I ran across the street and gave it to them. I shall have to remember to go back and check up on the kitten, especially since these girls were quite attractive. -) Work was fun. We worked on the Dorm Life script some more. It’s coming along quite well. After work we met Lindy at Denny’s (that’s her and Kris in the picture on ALLO). We decided not to try and get kicked out this time, but we did make a nice sculpture (see ALLO) out of the flatware.

This morning was uneventful until I went shopping with my mum. We went to Costco to buy stuff for me for when I go back to school. While there, we ran into Coti, a girl that I graduated with. It was cool seeing each other after a couple of years. I gave her a business card with my phone number and my e-mail on it. She said she’d call me and I hope she does. That would be fun to hang out with someone else from Punahou. After Costco we went to Yoke’s where my sister and her friends have been trying to raise money for the NYFD. They’ll probably reach somewhere between $1500 and $2000 by the end of the day today. Not bad. To attract attention (and add credibility) the local fire dept. sent over a truck and some firemen. It was so cool! I got tons of great pictures for ALLO. I’m so excited about it! Now I need pictures of me in a cop car…

K.T. leads A Life Less Ordinary

“I grew up in a county that contained Army, Air Force, Navy, Marine, and Coast Guard bases, so I am not foreign to the sites and sounds of war machines. But to see the Blackhawk helicopters hovering near my Soho home was disorienting. The garbage is piling up. NYC produces vast amounts of waste every day; since the closing of the Freshkills landfill, the trash has been trucked out to disposal sites in other states. With all (it seems) of the city garbage trucks in use at the attack site, there is no trash pick-up right now. So, our basement stairs have become jammed with the bags that would have been picked up by now. I’m mildly annoyed that our off-site superintendent hasn’t bothered to move them down the stairs to the air shaft. But that’s to be expected even during better times here in NYC, where most buildings aren’t maintained as well as they are legally supposed to be. I’m hoping that garbage collection will resume after the streets in this area open back up tomorrow. I will be going out again to walk the dog before I head to bed. I am still hoping to get a call from one of the 4 volunteer places I called my name in to. I would be perfectly happy to be on one of the bucket brigades that is moving rubble by hand away from the collapse sites. I have been trying to find some paper masks that we bought a few years ago, but I can’t remember where we put them, or if I might have thrown them away. I’ve also been looking for the pairs of goggles that I bought for my chemistry labs in undergrad. Funny how you always think that you can buy something when you need it. I don’t even have a first aid kit. I’m thinking that an emergency kit would be a very smart thing to have around in the future. Bandages, antiseptics, duct tape, dust masks, latex and work gloves… A pair of steel-toe boots is also looking like a good thing to have around. I don’t think that my insulated winter boots would fit the bill.”


Alumni, Punahou School

(contact information withheld upon request)

Surely Heaven Waits For You

‘Carry on my wayward son

There’ll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don’t you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion

Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion

I was soaring ever higher

But I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man

I hear the voices when I’m dreaming

I can hear them say

Carry on my wayward son

There’ll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don’t you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason

My charade is the event of the season

And if I claim to be a wise man, well

It surely means that I don’t know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion

Tossed about I’m like a ship on the ocean

I set a course for winds of fortune

But I hear the voices say

Carry on my wayward son

There’ll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don’t you cry no more


Carry on, you will always remember

Carry on, nothing equals the splendor

Now your life’s no longer empty

Surely heaven waits for you’

Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas

Misery Is An Option

mwproductions12 (2:47:42 PM): What the fuck is wrong with me? Misery is an option. Dammit.

sirfaced (2:48:05 PM): misery is sometimes the only option that is clear.

This Life Is Bittersweet

‘Truth faced leaves a strange taste,

When joy and sadness meet.

A country rain on a city street,

This life is bittersweet.’

From Bittersweet by Moxy Fr�vous.

Today’s forecast: Stormy weather.

Television Man

The television screen is the retina of the mind’s eye. Therefore, the television is part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore, whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore, television is reality and reality is less then television.

From Put Your Finger In The Socket By Man… Or Astroman?

BruinDan leads A Life Less Ordinary

And the most horrific sound of all, coming from a scanner feed over the internet…The New York City Fire Department’s (FDNY) Manhattan Division.

Manhattan: “Ladder 113, Manhattan”

Engine 59: (screaming) “Manhattan from Engine Five-Nine, get us some HELP over here!!!”

Manhattan: “10-4, Five-Nines, we’re workin’ on it, kay. Ladder One-One-Three, Manhattan?”

Field Comm: “Manhattan, Field Comm, we don’t know where the hell they are, we can’t find ’em!”

Manhattan: (desperate) “Does anybody know where the hell 113 Truck is? Any unit?”

Unknown Unit: “They’re gone, they’re all gone…”

Manhattan: (emotional) “Jesus…Battalion 9, we’re working on your request for the hundred firefighters… we’ll see what we can scrounge up.”

Battalion 9: “Manhattan, Battalion 9, 10-4…we’re jumping ship here, roll ’em to Broadway and Park Place, we can’t hold this mess here”

Manhattan: “Battalion 9, kay, will do. What other unit needs help, kay?

Unknown Unit: (screaming) “Engine…[unintelligible]…to the Field Comm Unit…[unintelligible]…trapped and unable…[unintelligible]..whole thing is shifting…”

Field Comm: (panicked) “Get out, get out, get out, get out!!! It’s coming down, the whole thing is coming down, jesus, get out, get OUT! Manhattan, Field Comm, the whole Tower’s down, its coming down right on TOP of us!”

Manhattan: “Field Comm, kay, we’ll try and make the notifications, but its just chaos on this end and I think we’ve lost our repeaters…”

From Life’s a Blog and Then You Die – A blog by BruinDan

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