Archive for January, 2003

FUBU

I was sitting in the school’s premiere dining establishment today (don’t let the word premiere fool you, it still sucks) when I noticed one of the employees pick up a condom (unused and still in the wrapper) off the floor and try to hand it to a girl who happened to be sitting nearby. She looked quite uncomfortable with the whole situation, and since she’s a friend of mine, I decided to ask her about it. The following is a reasonable facsimile of our conversation.

“Was that a condom that guy had?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, “He picked it up off the ground and was like, ‘Does this belong to you or anyone you know?’ Then he tried to give it to me and I was like, ‘Um, no.'”

“Creepy.”

“Yeah. Then he was like, ‘You know, for some people that’s all college is about.’ and I’m like, ‘Right.’ and just thinking, ‘Go away!'”

On a somewhat unrelated note, I’m a racist according to one of the black guys that lives on my floor (you know, the ones that piss on seat, don’t flush the toilet, and spit their chewing tobacco all over the place (okay, I admit that what I just wrote is somewhat of an embellishment. But only somewhat)). According to him (bear in mind that I’m hearing this second-hand), because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, I’m a racist. I think the fact that I don’t like them has something to do with it, but the fact that they don’t know how to act like regular human beings has something to do with =that=. I guess the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back was when his roommate (also black) said, “Hi,” to me in passing (an event that I don’t remember. This doesn’t mean he didn’t say hi to me, but with contemporary salutations between males being as discreet as they are, it’s often impossible to tell when an exchange has taken place) and I, “just blew him off.”

This guy is being pretty damn hypocritical, though. I mean, come on. Just because I’m a white guy with blonde hair and blue eyes I’m a racist? That’s like the nigger calling the kettle black. Oh wait, I shouldn’t say that, it might be taken as racist.

Ladder Theory

Holy shit! This explains =EVERYTHING=. Mirror.

DJ Stupid Proves Himself

Kleenex is spelled with a ‘K’ you half-wit.

Today’s forcast: Storm warning.

Far out.

Wow. I was just on the phone with Galen. He says things like, “outta sight” and “peace.”

Anguish

I have come to realize that I have been given two second chances at the same time. As wonderful as this seems, all I can manage to think is, “the only second chance you get is the chance to make the same mistake twice.”

359-DUMB

Here at Eastern Washington University they have what’s called the Snow Line. The Snow Line is the official number to call to find out the status of classes at Eastern. The phone number for the Snow Line is (very aptly) 359-SNOW (that’s 359-7669). My phone number, on the other hand is 359-7609 (SN -n/a- W). People confuse the ‘o’ in snow with zero on the keypad and end up calling me. At ungodly hours. Usually when I’m asleep. This, as you can imagine, is very annoying. Compounded by the fact that I hate stupid people, a rather cruel solution was inevitable. I changed my voicemail message from my regular, quite dull message to a special one that sounded almost identical to the actual EWU Snow Line (my voicemail went so far as to claim to be the official EWU Snow Line). I then turned off my phone’s ringer and went to sleep. I didn’t check my messages this morning, but when I did check them this afternoon, I had =ELEVEN= new messages (and only three of them were ligitimate messages).

You may be asking, “How can you be so cruel?” Did I mention the ungodly hours? Moreover, if you’re stupid enough to call the wrong number and honestly believe that classes are cancelled, you deserve to be punished. It’s part of the dumbass clause (which dictates that, basically, if you’re a dumbass, all bets are off and you have no grounds for legal recourse). There are so many little discrepancies between the two that you really do have to be a dumbass to bollocks it up. The differences between the two include (but are not limited to):

1) The real Snow Line rings once before the message plays. My phone rings four times before the message plays.

2) The real Snow Line is not an answering service, ergo it does not beep when the message stops playing. My voicemail does.

3) The real Snow Line (almost) always includes the date. My message never does.

4) Classes are (almost) never cancelled.

5) THE NUMBER IS (and I cannot stress this enough) 359-7669, =NOT= 359-7609.

I’m sure there are other little things that are different about the two, but I’m either not sure what they are or I couldn’t think of them at the time I wrote this. Anyway, if you want to hear some of the messages left on my voicemail (as well as the real and fake Snow Line messages) check out the pranks section of my page.

EDIT: Changed from audio section to pranks section. -TJB 02 December 2004

Mantra

I must repeat to myself:

“Misery is an option.”

“Misery is an option.”

“Misery is an option.”

Right. Now, I’m going to go out there and be miserable.

Easy Cheese

Mmm… Cheese in a can…

Poot

There’s nothing better than holding a warm, beautiful, comfortable woman in your arms and gently kissing and caressing her. Chicks rule.

Better Late Than Never

A bunch of the people that live on my floor are watching TV in the room next door and they’ve got the door open. I’m sitting in my room with the door shut, trying to do homework. It’s not the sound from the TV that’s bothering me; in fact, I can’t hear it at all (on account of having my music playing). It’s Mark’s damn rommate laughing like a three year old kid that I can hear! And it’s driving me up the damn wall! It’s going to be a =LONG= quarter…

Oh, a friend of mine stopped by earlier and gave me a late Christmas present. It was the Pi DVD, so that makes 15 DVDs I got for Christmas.

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